


The Cracks in the Wall

by moonwillow27458



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Gore, Insomnia, Insomniac Sam, Nightmares, Sam Winchester and Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 01:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11048904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonwillow27458/pseuds/moonwillow27458
Summary: Sam has suffered with insomnia for a while, he had to learn to deal with the problems that came with it





	The Cracks in the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Someone hashtag relatable this fic, writing from personal experiences with insomnia, even the weird dream Sam has

Walls were boring to stare at, but after a while they usually became interesting. After hours or staring, when his eyes began to get tired, that's when he began to notice everything. There were eleven cracks in the wall, one hole no bigger than a mouse, there was two chips in the paint from where it had been punched, and one mysterious brown stain that he hoped was blood. He couldn't think of any brown alternative that was more pleasant. Above one of the chips, there was a light that didn't work anymore, he could see from staring at it that a few of the wires were hanging out of it so no wonder why.

The bathroom light switched on and Sam sat up. 

The clock on his bedside table read 4:28. He'd be getting up soon. Fuck.

"Sam, you still awake?" Dean asked as he padded out of the bathroom. Sam tried to look at his big brother, but the luminescent light of the bathroom hurt his eyes and the low buzzing from it was giving him a headache. Dean must have seen the pained look on his face, because he pulled the cord to switch off the light. "What are you doing up?"

If he knew, Sam would have answered.

Dean didn't say anything else, just crawled back into his own bed. There was barely the space of one human between them, but it still seemed like a mile to Sam. He hated being so far from his brother, but Dean was twenty, too old to be sharing a bed with his little brother. Sam sighed and rolled over hoping the new position would allow him to get some sleep. The voice inside his head laughed at him; of course it wouldn't, just like it never had before. 

"You're gonna kill yourself, you know?"

Sam laughed out loud at that one, didn't even have to wait for the voice in his head. He knew, he'd known for a while. Going a hundred hours without sleep, going to school in that time, going on hunts in that time. Yeah, Sam was doing just fine. Definitely wasn't going to pass out at an inopportune moment. Not at all.

"Sammy, I'm being serious, I hate seeing you like this." A light turned on behind him and Sam had to roll back over to face his brother. 

"I hate being like this but what am I gonna do?" Sam snapped. Something he found came with his insomnia was his irritability, or as he called it his inability to tolerate idiots. All it did was make his fights with his Dad a hundred times worse. 

"I was just trying to help," Dean bit out back. Sometimes it was hard to see Dean as the older brother, because he was more petulant that Sam ever was. 

"You can't, I just can't sleep no matter how much I try," Sam told him. He hated talking about it, it sounded so stupid when he said it. "It's like there's a switch in my head and someone's taped over it so I can't switch it off."

"So what, is it thoughts?" Dean asked. 

"Sometimes. Some thoughts are hard to make go away. Sometimes, I have to stay awake because I have nightmares of you and Dad dying, sometimes even Mom. Sometimes, my minds just blank but I can't get away from it, it's like when the TVs static. It changes week on week."

"So what is it this week?"

Sam took a second to answer, he was too busy staring at one of the cracks in the wall. It was shaped like a lightning bolt, and Sam pictured the second hand Flash comics that Dean used to shoplift for him. He felt Dean gently kick the bed, and he fell back into reality again.

"Nightmares."

He didn't want to expand. He didn't want to remember the dreams he'd been having the last few nights. He didn't know how to tell Dean he'd seen the inside of him, he knew what his brother's guts looked like. The image of red was trapped behind his eyes. There was a werewolf knelt over Dean, a chunk of skin dripping from its smiling lips. Its teeth were sharp but Sam couldn't see them for the blood. Its claws were digging through Dean's abdomen. Dean was laid on the ground, less than human. What made him Dean was gone, ripped to shreds by the werewolf.

Sam wanted to throw up.

"Nightmares?" 

"Like I said, you die," Sam laughed, though he didn't know what he was laughing at. The memory of the dream lingered in his head. The growls of the wolf echoed ear to ear, screaming that he was next, the night will take everything that's important to him and then finally when he has nothing left, it will take him too.

Insomnia was no good for paranoia.

"Well, I ain't going nowhere, little brother," Dean smiled kindly. Sam appreciated the sentiment, but it didn't help. Nothing really helped when he knew what Dean dying felt like.

Dean fell asleep soon after, his arm hanging off the bed. Sam reached out for it, a confirmation that Dean was alive and well and away from the werewolves. For the first time in a week, Sam fell asleep instantly.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope you enjoyed this, sorry for the random chunk of gore in the middle but my head is in a weird place rn so...
> 
> Have a lovely night wherever you are


End file.
